WELCOME TO HELL TEMPES, CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
by the-hippie-whittlers
Summary: Or should it be BON SING...? Crossover fic. HellsingxTrueBlood. yes. I went there. Set after the end of the Hellsing organization, many rules have been bent or broken to bring you a glimpse of when two vampire worlds meet. AxS
1. where the hell is this

True Blood is both the worst, and best thing I have ever seen. I highly recommend it as a healthy alternative to Twilight. Um… I guess this would have taken place at the end of season two, between when Maryann was killed and Bill was kidnapped and Sam left…. if that had been longer than a day. FUCK YOU! IT'S JUST A DAMBASS PIECE OF SHIT THAT I MADE AFTER WATCHING THE ORGY OF FAIL CALLED TRUE BLOOD!! And in response to a horrible trap AxSxW fanfiction that left a bad taste in my mouth. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THAT?!?! WHY?!??!?! And if you don't know true blood, this will not be as 'great' as it was in my head when I wrote it.

I did my best to smooth out inconsistencies, but this fic will require an open mind. JUST PRETEND, OKAY?! JESUS! IT'S FAN**FICTION** PEOPLE, NOT FAN-100%-TRUFAX. Nonetheless I should still be killed for this.

1:

Seras awoke with a start. She tried to open her burning eyes but all that she could see was blackness. Around her was cold and dark, compressing in on her from all sides She was disoriented, and gasped for air (a habit that Alucard was all too quick to point out should have died- along with her body- over 55 years ago. but old habits die hard.) and quickly found that she was surrounded by dirt. Some unknown instinct inside of her told her to dig, but she had progressed further than that. She calmed herself down and allowed her body to phase to the surface. She breathed an un-needed sigh of relief when she could finally get her bearings.

She took a moment to first examine her surroundings. There were the familiar sounds of the night humming all around her, and her acute senses were taking in every detail. The warm humidity, the crystal clear night sky, the full moon. It was, as her master would say, a perfect night. Until she realized she was in a landscape far from familiar to her. The trees were huge, and moss draped tiredly from their low hanging branches. There was a kind of fog on the ground, like a Scottish moor, and the sound of many night animals and water could be heard all around. Was she in some kind of bog? a swamp?

That's right. She was not where she had been before! she thought back to the last thing that she had remembered. Alucard. Her ex-master had phased her here-wherever here was- so that she would be safe. They were after her. She suddenly remembered the previous night, when a subordinate had informed Alucard that the Vatican would be sending it's top agents after her. They had taken the obvious stance on the issue of vampire rights when their race had 'come out of the coffin'. And although they weren't taking actions publicly, their secret section 13 had been all too happy to quadruple their number of agents and start acting on a massive scale in Europe. Covertly, of course.

With Hellsing reduced to a powerless nothing after it's government takeover, and her and Alucard's release with the death of Sir Integra, Alucard had been thrust back into vampire society. And for Seras, it was culture shock. She learned the rules almost as quickly as Alucard was able to verify his identity and power enough to recapture the throne he had once been seated on for centuries. Although he had no official title, or real place designated for him in the vampire social structure any longer, it was unanimously assumed that he outranked all vampires that had challenged him, and most assumed all vampires that existed.

With the life at Hellsing left behind, there were no external conflicts for them to focus on. They were finally free, and this had allowed them to start a strange sort of relationship. Seras still had refused to be freed from Alucard, until he forcibly released her in order to take her as a mate after a few years filled with strange tension. Their relationship had been as good as it could be and their lives had been happy until the cat was let out of the bag, so to speak.

Their life had been turned upside down. People were either offering yourselves to you, or trying to 'exterminate' you. It was chaotic. She and Alucard had managed to stay hidden from the media, but things only got worse when she found out that she was pregnant. Alucard had made it clear that absolutely no one was to touch her until the child was born, and treated her like she were made of glass. It was understandable though, because a born vampire was a rarity. only a few other vampires knew about Seras's condition, and, especially now that the humans knew about them, they weren't going to be so quick to spread the news around. But after the threat from the Vatican, Alucard was outraged. He wasn't going to take any chances. He had decided to transport her to somewhere where she would be safer, but he admitted that even his power had limits. he would have to drain much of his energy to transport her somewhere far from the Vatican's grasp. but he assured her that she would be underground, and therefore safe. and he knew that she was strong enough to find her way to vampires that could help her, or at least take care of herself.

So Seras sat there and recovered from the exhausting trip. She had almost forgotten that she was already eleven months pregnant. The pregnancy seemed to be much longer for a vampire than a human, much to her horror, and at this point she only looked to be about 4 months along and it was astonishingly apparent on her tiny frame. (to her eyes, anyways. hence why she was now wearing a loose-fitting sundress to hide her swollen abdomen)

With her senses recovered, and her situation assessed, she turned her attention to the next matter at hand; figuring out where the hell she was. She guessed south. it was pleasant and warm. Was she somewhere in the Americas? That sounded right. Alucard would want her as far away as possible from Europe. She recalled her schooling from her time as a human. Where were there swamps? She honestly had no idea. That had been over 60 years ago!

She sighed and decided that she might as well start looking for some kind of sign and be thankful that he put her somewhere warm. It didn't take her long to find an unmarked, dirt path. after following for what would have taken hours for a normal human, she reached a larger, paved road. with signs! one read, "BON TEMPES – 3 MILES" and not far behind it was a sign marked US ROUTE 86 "Well" Seras thought. "I always wanted to see what the U.S. was like." She contemplated how she would have reacted if one had told her during her human life that this is how she would see for herself.

Then she realized that she had nothing! No clothes, no money, no anything. Just the dress on her back. And she was getting very hungry. She would have feed for her baby soon. "I guess Bon Tempes it is then. I sure hope that they have something to eat."

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soooooo...... yes? no? I am almost 150% it's no, and that i should die in a fire, but should I post the rest for the lulz?


	2. these people are crazy

Well, here's another chapter! It's back by surprisingly popular demand. NOW WITH CORRECT CAPITALIZATION! :D but i will reiterate: this was written VERY impulsively and I hardly read it after it was written so excuse my poor grammar. I've paid much closer attention to the chapters I'm writing currently. :|

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2:

It hadn't occurred to Seras just how rural the town of Bon Tempes really was until she walked into it. Everything was so quiet here at night! She opened her senses and tried to find where the most noise was coming from. Her experience always taught her that where there was nightlife, there were vampires. But right now she could only pick up on one location within 20 miles that could be considered "active". She phased there as fast as she could, but when she arrived, found little more than some kind of redneck dump bar. "Hmmm… Merlotte's? Well, it's worth a try." she thought to herself. It seemed friendly enough. She guessed she was actually looking for the opposite, but she continued on her way inside.

As she passed through the doors, she could tell that there was no vampire activity of any kind in the small place. it was far too friendly, and Seras was thankful that she didn't look like a normal vampire, because they didn't seem like the understanding type. She decided to sit down anyways. She had to rest for just a little bit. She could tell they were in America now. These accents were outrageous!

As she sat down at the bar a young, pretty, dark skinned girl greeted her. "Well, ain't this a surprise? We hardly get any visitors around here." It wasn't the friendliest greeting ever, but Seas got the sense that she was trying hard to be kind. But this was still bad. She couldn't order that true blood that she had heard so much about, but she was positively starving! She decided to be safe, rather than sorry. "Nothing for me, thanks. I just needed to sit down. I'm a little tired after walking all the way here." The girl looked shocked. "Wow! You aren't from anywhere near here; that's one helluva thick accent!" Seras blushed at how apparent her speech must be here. "Well, I'm from England, yes." The girl introduced herself. "Well, my name's Tara. What'll you have?" Seras introduced herself, but then leaned back and placed her hand over her stomach, to better emphasize her pregnant belly.. "Oh, god! I hardly even noticed! Let me at least get you some water, then." Seras was about to protest this new occurrence, but Tara was too fast. The water was already poured, and placed in front of her.

She nonetheless accepted it graciously, and thanked her lucky stars when there was a sudden distraction that would allow her to leave the water unnoticed. Someone in a group of very drunk men had jokingly thrown a fistful of French fries with ketchup into the hair of a beautiful blonde waitress. The whole place grew quiet, but the waitress turned around and stared as if she were listening to something, her eyes darting wildly around the area to catch the offender. To Seras's horror, they landed on HER! Wide-eyed, the waitress stopped scanning the room, and dropped the platter she was carrying. Seras knew she had to leave now, and murmured a lightning fast "thank you" to Tara and was out the door before the waitress had time to say anything. The waitress was out the door after her immediately. "Crazy-ass white bitches." Tara sighed, getting back to work as the customers resumed their activities.

But before Seras had time to get far enough away from the restaurant to vanish into the night, she heard the waitress burst out the doors and call out to her.

"Wait! Please! Who are you?" She called out after her, desperately running to catch up before she was gone.

Seras heard the sincerity of her voice, and stopped and turned to face her. This girl was obviously not her enemy, but how had she known that she was undead?

When the girl got closer, she told her quietly, "I know you're a vampire. I'm sorry that I did that back there, but I was just surprised is all."

"How?" Seras asked.

"Um, well, this would normally sound hard to believe but I'm psychic." The waitress replied earnestly. "My name's Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse." She extended her hand, which Seras shook readily.

Seras felt like she should introduce herself as well. "I'm Seras Victoria." Sookie shook her hand vigorously and smiled.

"Now THAT'S a vampire name. And you have an accent, too!"

Seras burst out laughing.

"Um, sorry? Did I say something wrong?"

"No! Not at all! No one has ever told me that before. But was I thinking that I was a vampire?" Seras asked.

"Well, I can usually hear people's thoughts. But for some reason, vampires are completely silent to me. That's why I picked up on you. It's like a static."

"That's astounding!" Seras took this time to study her more closely. She opened her senses and took everything in, and found something odd.

"You have been marked." she said, relieved to know that there were other vampires here.

Sookie blushed. "Y-yes. I guess you could say that."

"Oh, could you please help me then!" Seras began. "I just got here, and I have nothing, and I am STARVING!" she blurted out, rubbing her stomach.

Sookie grew wide-eyed "Y-you're pregnant!?" she gasped.

Seras looked down at herself "Oh, yes. I forgot to mention that."

"Well, then we should get you to Bill's quick! He's my boyfriend. you can tell me more about your situation when we're there." Sookie said, while leading Seras to her car.

"Wait! What about your job?" Seras asked.

"Don't worry! Sam'll understand. These kind of things happen all the time." She diffused the argument instantly as she walked towards her car and gestured for Seras to follow her.

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Have you noticed how short these are?! Yeah, me too. YAY 1,000 WORDS! Oh well... Just think of them as scene breaks C: And this way I can just CRANK 'EM OUT.


	3. and look at their vampires

So here's chapter 3! Bill and Jessica are here! C: I SHALL NOW SMOOTH OUT INCONSISTENCIES BETWEEN THE TWO UNIVERSES!! WATCH ME BEND REALITY TO MY WILL!!!! My powers have no limits. If only I had used them for good, instead of evil... :| oh well.

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3:

"Wow… Your house is beautiful!" Seras exclaimed as she walked up the steps of the house.

"Well, this is just Bill's house. Mine is down the road a ways. I think it would be safer for you to stay here, though." Sookie explained as she opened the door for Seras.

"Well I really appreciate your hospitality. I didn't really know where I would end up and I'm so glad that I found you." Seras crossed the threshold and started admiring the interior of the home.

Sookie stood in the doorway, shocked. "Y-you don't have to be invited inside?! I thought-"

Seras cut her off. "Oh my! I'm so sorry! I guess I should have told you before startling you like that."

"So, you can just go anywhere?" Sookie asked.

"Well, yes. I can't fully explain it to you but I've been told-"

Seras was the one cut off this time, but by an angry voice. "How were you able to get in here?!"

The voice came from a very obviously vampire man, who was nearly upon her in an instant. He clearly did not trust his own kind, and would have continued if Sookie had not cut in herself.

"Bill! How dare you?! This is Seras and she is just alone and in desperate need of our help!"

The vampire Bill seemed to calm down and become more cordial after Sookie's reprimand.

"I see." He stated in a voice much more refined than his last. "I'm sorry." It seemed like he was still nervous.

"And she was about to tell us how she was able to enter, so let her finish." Sookie turn to Seras, who then finished.

"Well, I was never really aware that most vampires were unable to enter a house unless invited from the beginning, and I was not given all of the details, but it seems that it is due to the power of my maker, Alucard. But, I guess you would know him better as the infamous Dracula." Seras giggled, as she always did when she thought of how silly it was to call her master by such a name, even though it hadn't been changed all that much.

But at this, Sookie gasped. "R-really? You mean, that wasn't just a story?!" Before Seras had more time to explain, Bill cut her short.

"I-I am frightfully sorry, Miss Seras!" if his later apology had been less than sincere, due to the fact the Bill had just seen a mysterious vampire with mysterious abilities enter his home, than this one was more than humbling. "I had no idea that-"

Once again there was an interruption. "It's quite alright, Mr. Bill. I understand how you would only try to protect Sookie here. And you really don't have to treat me any differently."

"Um, can someone explain this to me?" Sookie was obviously confused, and Bill turned to Sookie and quickly informed her of the situation.

"Well, yes. The story of Dracula is true. It is also true that the Dracula in the novel was the same as the Vlad the Impailer of legend. He is one of, if not the most, fearsome vampires in this world. Although he is only 600 years old, he is more powerful than the oldest of us. Being is that he is a self-created vampire, the only one ever recorded."

"Self-created? What does that mean?" Sookie asked.

Seras decided to answer. "It is when a human drink the blood of another human, and somehow becomes undead. Alucard is the only undead with true immortality. I have seen so for myself."

"The vampire Alucard's power is unstoppable." Bill finished.

"T-then why are you here, Seras? Has something happened?" Sookie asked, frightened.

"It's because I am Alucard's mate and he can't fight off the Vatican while I'm there. They have been amassing an army of paladin, warrior priests trained to destroy the undead," Seras glanced down "and I am not strong enough to be by his side. I'm just a liability." She looked terribly distraught by this fact and her eyes welled with bloody tears. Sookie reached to console her.

"No! Don't think like that! He just wants to keep your baby safe, and I'm sure that you do too, right?"

Seras sniffed. "He doesn't even trust his own mate enough to be able to take care of herself. I had to convince him to let me leave. He didn't even think that I would be able to do this! I've admitted to myself that I'm not well suited to be his mate. But I already miss him so much. I'm too far away from him to receive any messages from our link. I can just slightly feel his presence." Seras seemed to suddenly brighten up as she rubbed her pregnant belly. "But at least my baby is safe. I have a part of him here with me and nothing else in the world matters." It seemed as if the episode was over. Sookie guessed that perhaps even vampires got pregnancy hormones.

"Ewwwww!! You _did_ your maker?!" A female voice gasped from the top of the stairs.

"Jessica!" Bill turned and shouted, fuming once again. "You cannot speak to her like that! You have no idea who you're talking to!"

"Well so-ry! I was just _curious_!" She defended.

Seras giggled again. "This must be your fledgling, right? I'd recognize that tone anywhere! The things I could tell her!"

"Yes, she is. I apologize for her insolence. She still doesn't know much about being undead." Bill shot Jessica a dirty look.

"It's quite alright, Mr. Bill. I've been in her position before." Seras' tone changed to a more serious one. "But I do believe that there is something quite important that I need to tell you before I can stay in your home with good conscience."

"Whatever it is, we can handle a lot, and we promise to help you as much as we can." Sookie said, speaking for everyone. "Never underestimate southern hospitality!"

Seras looked pleadingly towards Bill and Sookie. "I'm starving! And because of the baby, I'll need a lot more blood. Not only True Blood. I was overjoyed when it was fist developed, despite it's horrible taste, but in my current condition it doesn't seem to completely satisfy my hunger. And I can tell that this household is one of the 'new' types which frowns upon hunting."

Bill seemed stunned, but Sookie answered right away. "You don't have to worry about anything, Seras. I know lots of places where you can find as much as you need and from your honesty and attitude I can tell that you're only doing this for your baby. And that should be the most important thing right now, anyways." Sookie took Seras' hand to reassure her, and turned back to Bill.

"We need to get her to Fangtasia." Bill silently agreed as Sookie and Seras went out the door.

"Wait!" Jessica shouted from the top of the stairs again. "Can I come, too?"

"Fine, but no feeding! And behave yourself!" Bill reluctantly agreed, and She was out the door and headed toward Sookie's car in a flash.

* * *

So there you have it! More coming very soon. I tried to keep most things in character but it's hard when you can't get the gif of Dr. Rockso's junk out of your head.... DX


End file.
